watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
babies were throwing up all over the place
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
