Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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