I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have aggressive nipples.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
