I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
