What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
