Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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