I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
