I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
