I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
