its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has the fingertips of a God
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
