So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just threw up on my dentist
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
