the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
