It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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