Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
