dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
