sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
