He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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