if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
