you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
