I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
