That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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