Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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