just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
