I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i think my cat just said my name.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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