I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
