At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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