how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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