I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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