I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
