My cat gives me a boner
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
