I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
