I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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