There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize