i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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