ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
