The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
