i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
