you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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