she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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