Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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