that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
