Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
