I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Farmville is her only friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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