if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
