so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
