and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
