What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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