it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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