Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
