her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
