took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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