Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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