why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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