dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
