I am puke
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
