To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
